The Beef’s Week 1 Picks, Son!!!
Week 1 of the NFL season is 1 day away! The Beef hasn’t been this happy since the first time Turd Ferguson introduced him to Kate Upton……thanks Turd. This season is going to be full of upsets, injuries, and laughs. Here are my 5 games to watch:
Rams vs. Lions: This can be dubbed the “Battle of Unhealthy Quarterbacks”. Matt Stafford can’t keep his shoulder in place and Sam Bradford can’t seem to take a sack without breaking a nail and leaving the game. That said, this game should be very lopsided. The Lions possess a vast array of weapons while the Rams are just glad to still be an NFL team. This should be over early.
Prediction: Lions 35 Rams 7
Bills vs. Jets: This is the game that I personally voted “least likely to be seen on the NFL Red zone channel.” Both of these offenses suck, but the Jets take suckage to a whole ‘nother level. It will be rare sighting to see either of these teams in the red zone in this game, but I think that the Bills manage 1 offensive touchdown to win this, uh, shoot-out.
Prediction: Bills 17, Jets 6
Seahawks vs. Cardinals: Feel the wrath of Helter…..Skelton?? I have to admit that I’m skeptical that Skelton can prove to be a big game quarterback. The only thing saving his job is that Kolb sucks something awful. I do not envy Larry Fitzgerald. That being said, I do anticipate that this will be a decent game and that points will be scored by both teams. It won’t be a nail bitter because frankly no one cares enough about either team.
Prediction: Seahawks 31, Cardinals 27
Broncos vs. Steelers: The big story line for this game is that Peyton Manning is making his return to football after a long layoff. The real storyline should be that Ben Roethlisberger didn’t visit any strip clubs this off season and avoided getting any sexual assault charges. Good for you Ben, good for you. That being said this should be slobber knockers of a game. Both teams have good offenses and great defenses. The deciding factor here will be whether the Broncos offense knows how to actually run a 2 minute drill as opposed to the Tebow playground offense.
Prediction: Broncos 28, Steelers 24
**Lock of the Week** Bears vs. Colts: The storyline here is about the revamped offenses. The Bears picked up Brandon Marshall in the offseason, which gives them a legitimate number 1 receiver for the first time in a few years. Sorry, but Devin Hester was not a legit number 1. The Colts on the other hand actually have a Quarterback. They sucked for Luck last year (or because they just sucked) and they got him. He is the future and will take them to the Promised Land…..a 8-8 record! That said, Luck should have a great 1st game against a Bears defense who looks tough as hell but is soft as Jell-O pudding ( no offense Mr. Cosby). I think that the Colts will rally but it will be too late.
Prediction: Bears 24, Colts 21
The Beef has spoken!!
Picks From the Rest of the Staff
Seattle over Arizona
Houston over Miami
Buffalo over NY Jets
Minnesota over Jacksonville
**LOCK**: Atlanta over Kansas City
Dee Repomanski’s Picks
Philadelphia Eagles over the Cleveland Browns
St. Louis Rams fall to the Detroit Lions
Oakland Raiders defeat the San Diego Chargers
Carolina Panthers over the Tampa Bay Buccaneers
**Lock of the Week**
Chicago Bears defeat the Indianapolis Colts
Don Sanchez’s Picks
Chicago over Indy
Buffalo over Jets
Packers over Niners
Carolina over Tampa Bay
**LOCK** Houston over Miami